Alice in Wonderland

Director:

Starring: Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne Hathaway.

Reviewed By Clint Morris.

Looking back, it seems rather fitting that the last conversation I had with someone before seeing Tim Burton’s take on Lewis Carol’s Alice in Wonderland concerned spin-offs.

In this case, a friend and I were discussing the many short-lived television spin-off’s that have existed over time  -  ephemeral small-screen endeavors like Blanksy’s Beauties (a spin-off of Happy Days), Just the Ten of Us (a spin-off of Growing Pains), and Model’s Inc (which used an episode of Melrose Place as its launch-pad); most of which haven’t played on TV in years, and are widely unavailable on DVD.  

To be a spin-off, a show usually has to feature a character that’s been in something else, and share a comparable pitch and thesis to that preceding series  -  or film.

Burton’s Alice in Wonderland could almost pass for a spin-off...of every other film Burton has made over the past five years!  

Not only does this prosaic dog share the same dark, ominous, forever-despondent theme of the filmmaker’s previous efforts (all of Burton’s recent films have started to just blend), but you’ll swear this is the second time Johnny Depp’s playing the big-haired and bizarre character at the center of the piece. As I see it, Wonderland is no more than an extension of Burton’s fun-less, style-over-substance Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with Depp again playing the peculiar and slightly-deranged Willy Wonka  -  only this time, going by the name ‘The Mad Hatter’.

Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland, one of the sweetest and more innocent tales to ever grace A3, has enchanted and thrilled audiences for generations. It’s an adorable tale  -  a young girl, one Alice Kingsleigh, falls down a rabbit hole, and finds herself in a magical land full of talking time-keeping rabbits, and the zany, tea-loving ‘Mad Hatter’.  Whether you’re 5 or 50, Wonderland is a timeless story you’ll never mind returning to….of course, you’ve yet to see the Tim Burton version.

Just as his Chocolate Factory remake sucked the sugary goodness out of Roald Dahl’s beloved family favourite, Burton has excised the fun and the fantastical out of Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland. His version, for all intents and purposes, could by all means be released under the title Chronicles of Narnia : The Hatter, the Witch and the Wonderland, and no one would blink an eyelid  - if only because most will have closed their eyes by the time the first reel of this decaying, dreary mess has unspooled.

Serving as somewhat of a sequel to the original Alice in Wonderland story (in the same way Return to Oz was a sequel to The Wizard of Oz), Burton’s film sees the now 19-year-old Alice (Mia Wasikowska) dashing from her surprise engagement party and falling back down the same rabbit hole that plonked her smack-bang in Wonderland several years before.

Alice meets up with old friends  -  The Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry), White Rabbit (Michael Sheen), TweedleDee and TweedleDum (played by Little Britain’s Matt Lucas), the Blue Caterpillar (Alan Rickman) - and soon enough, unjust enemies - the Red Queen (Helena Bonham-Carter) and her loyal sidekick, Stayne  -  Knave of Hearts (Crispin Glover).  

The Red Queen snatches the Mad Hatter, and a couple of Alice’s other pals, and - as the history books tell her  -  the pale (what’s with the ‘undead’ look!?) Miss Kinsleigh’s forced to slay a dragon-esque beast (Christopher Lee) to free them...or something.

I’ll hand it to Burton, he knows how to make a pretty movie. The visuals in this are fantastic (well, all but the 3D. It sucks! Apparent that adding the gimmick was an after-thought, the technology adds nothing to the film  -  no depth, no sensation, and no sense that you’re watching anything other than a 2D movie), the costumes just as grand, and the colour palette pertinently alive.  

But when all is said and done, that’s about all I can recommend about this Alice in Wonderland  -  it’s all funk, no fun.

There’s no excitement. There’s nobody much to root for. There’s no real reason for Alice to be in Wonderland  -  excluding the outmoded plot element Burton’s lifted directly from Spielberg’s Peter Pan follow-up, Hook (which, for what it’s worth, was also a fairly blah film).

And don’t go thinking ‘it’ll be okay, Johnny Depp will save it!’ because, quite frankly, he doesn’t. Depp is terrible in the film. Simply channeling some of the other chaps from his rogue’s gallery of big-screen characters (you’ll hear J.M Barrie from Finding Neverland, Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, and largely, Willy Wonka), Depp serves up a tired, featureless turn that not only signals the end is nigh for the long-running Burton/Depp showcase, but will have even his more loyal followers demand he try something new next time ‘round  -  the eccentric oddball turns are getting old.

Australia’s Mia Wasikowska  - hiding under all that powder and eye shadow  -  gives a fine enough turn as our heroine (though she’s quite simply too good an actress for this kind of one-note drivel); Anne Hathaway aptly channels her inner royal as the Glenda-ish White Queen ; Crispin Glover, who it’s good to see on the big screen, makes for a fine enough Knave of Hearts; and  Helena Bonham-Carter (Mrs Burton) likely fares the best of all of them (well, all of the human characters  -  the Cheshire Cat is pretty cute) as the large-headed witch, but when all is said and done, the actors are merely hot props in a really unexciting and surprisingly proletarian production.

Judging by the reception at this morning’s media screening, Alice in Wonderland (or is it Blunderland!?) will likely have just as long a life, and be remembered about as fondly, as Joanie loves Chachi.

Alice In Wonderland in cinemas 4 March.

ENDS